so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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