you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
