Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
