You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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