So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
