At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
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the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
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he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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