where am i from again
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
