Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
