uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
