I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
