you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
