We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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