i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
