I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
