it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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