apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
