New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
