Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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