you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
