so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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