I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
