Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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