Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
