Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
