I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
