I wanna bring you to show and tell
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
