This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
