Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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