I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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