Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Well I just put wine in my tea
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
