She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
