I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
