im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
