Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
