I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
