The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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