Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
