I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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