i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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