oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
