I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
