It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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