Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
