If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
