Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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