We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
