He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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