we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Randomize
