The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
