You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
