i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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