I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
