So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
