Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
