Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
