If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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