He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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