i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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