D3 body, D1 cock
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
There's always time for handjobs
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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