Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
