Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
