U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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