so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
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you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
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This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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