i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
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Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
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Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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