And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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