last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm at about main and main street
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
