Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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