its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
