do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
