This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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