I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
