If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Randomize
