Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
