Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
