How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
